Dawn

Well its not dawn, its early afternoon, but dawn just sounds better. I usually never post before my sessions but I didn't feel like posting last night. I had a bunch of things to do so I got a late start yesterday. I sat down around 8pm hoping to be in some great friday night games. I was but I ran so horrid it was disgusting. I managed to bang my head against the wall for 5500 hands and then finally quit, stuck just over 2 buyins.

I used to think losings days or even sessions at NL5 were impossible for me. I don't think I've had more than 10 losing sessions ever and with 520k hands played, I estimate thats around 170 sessions. Thats around %5 which I guess is still pretty good. I have had 3 losing days ever now.

People always say they run so bad or they run worse than anyone. I try to stay away from that talk b/c its self defeating. But its hard not to say anything either. Its hard not to think things like why is this happening to me again? How can they possibly hit these miracle cards over and over again?

I don't think I will ever understand this game sometimes. I just hate to lose so much. Its not the money as I don't play in any game where a loss could hurt me. I mean I lost 20 bucks. Nobody cares about 20 bucks. Its the having to face defeat to complete idiots that gets to me. In the end, I played great, I outplayed them in every facet of the game, and I lost. Almost nowhere else in sports or competitive ventures can this sort of thing happen.

It pisses me off even more b/c I just want the fuck out of the micros so badly. I want to make some real money. Ironically, I think I would feel much more comfortable having losings days at higher limits b/c at least then I would be where I want to be. I feel like they are just kicking me when I'm down through these bad runs in August and now in November. I feel cursed. A lot of bad feelings well up.

But this is what has held me back every time before. I just give up for a few days and it turns into an extended streak of non play and I cashout and I'm back to square one. I am determined not to let this happen this time. I am going to grind through it no matter what happens.

I'm just going to assume that I'm going to run bad forever so I'm going to get into the habit of taking mini breaks midway through bad sessions. I will hit the sit out all button on my script and go walk for 10 minutes. I'm not going to allow the bad side of variance to keep me from putting in the hands b/c I'm gaining bonuses and such anyways and they can fuck me til the sun comes up for all care.